


her only hope is what she did she'll soon forget

by jaerie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Desperate times call for desperate measures, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mpreg, Lactation Kink, M/M, Male Lactation, Roommates, Sex Work, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22503712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaerie/pseuds/jaerie
Summary: Harry closes his eyes and tries to think of himself anywhere but the filthy public bathroom he’s standing in.  There’s just too many things assaulting his senses to successfully pull it off.  The undertones of urine hitting his nose, the cold unstable wall of the bathroom cubicle he’s leaning against, the echo of the hand dryer from the women’s bathroom next door.It’s all too much for him, but it’s something he feels he can’t walk away from.  The five hundred dollars in cash shoved into the front pocket of his jeans is too desperately needed to walk away.or Harry is a single parent desperate to make ends meet and Louis is there to make it better
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 246





	her only hope is what she did she'll soon forget

**Author's Note:**

> the first scene was stuck in my head last night so i had to write it
> 
> title lyrics from end of the line by hanson. it just felt like the right mood.

Harry closes his eyes and tries to think of himself anywhere but the filthy public bathroom he’s standing in. There’s just too many things assaulting his senses to successfully pull it off. The undertones of urine hitting his nose, the cold unstable wall of the bathroom cubicle he’s leaning against, the echo of the hand dryer from the women’s bathroom next door. 

It’s all too much for him, but it’s something he feels he can’t walk away from. The five hundred dollars in cash shoved into the front pocket of his jeans is too desperately needed to walk away. 

The air in the bathroom is cool yet muggy at the same time and it makes his skin ache to be covered where his shirt hangs open to expose his chest and stomach. He doesn’t dare try to pull his shirt closed even a little. 

He tries to focus on just the feel of it instead, tries to imagine it’s someone else, someone other than the stranger who is long overdue for a shower and a shave. The lips wrapped around his nipple are pleasant enough if he just focuses on that, but the scratch of stubble against the sensitive undercurve of his breast is hard to block out. 

The man’s been at it for a while now, taking his time suckling in all the ways harry would probably enjoy with a lover. He can feel his skin growing tight where his milk has dribbled down and dried, the man not caring about making a mess of his skin. His right breast, his heaviest producer, feels heavy in comparison as the man continues to drain his left. He resists the urge to reach up and cup the weight, uncomfortable without any support for so long. 

The man grabs it for him before long, spraying himself in the face without much effort. Harry watches and wishes he hadn’t when the man groans and squeezes himself through his pants. It makes him feel ill that he’s in this situation at all. 

But Madison has another ear infection and doctors and prescriptions are expensive. He can endure an hour of discomfort to keep her healthy when his paychecks barely cover them on a good day. 

He closes his eyes again and tips his head back against the wall of the stall. The man has latched onto him now, feeding from him so aggressively it makes his eyes water. Grown men have teeth and this one doesn’t care about covering them at all, doesn’t care that the suction drives them deep enough to bruise. Or maybe he does when a particular bite feels on purpose. 

The timer on Harry’s phone goes off and he nearly sobs in relief when he can finally push the man’s face away from his chest. His nipple is throbbing and he wants to wash away all the traces of the man’s slobber and disinfect his skin until he can no longer feel it. 

“Hey, I wasn’t done yet,” the man starts to protest angrily and a spike of nerves jumps to Harry’s throat. 

“Five hundred for the hour,” Harry says as steadily as he can and starts to button up his shirt with shaking fingers. He hopes the man doesn’t notice, hopes he doesn’t try to take it as a sign of weakness. 

“I didn’t even get off.” 

The man starts to pull himself out, his other hand reaching up to pin Harry’s shoulder back against the partition. Harry lets out a shaky breath. 

“Another hundred for me to stick around until you come. Up front.” 

He holds out his hand expectedly and holds steady as the man grumbles and tries to dig his wallet out as he continues to stroke himself. 

“Just take it out or whatever,” the man shoves his wallet at Harry, too wrapped up in his mission to care. Scratchy lips attach to Harry’s nipple again after his shirt his pushed over and he winces at the feeling. He takes out seven twenties for his troubles and is thankful this man came stocked. 

He regrets not swiping more when the man gets jizz on the knee of his jeans but it’s whatever. He was borderline planning to burn his clothes after this anyway. 

“Okay, my ride’s here,” Harry lies as he pushes out of the stall, pretending to get a call on his phone. He walks quickly so the man doesn’t see him round the corner and jog down the blog to call a cab at the gas station. It seems just as shady as what he’s just done and wishes he had enough money in his account to use his card for an Uber.

The lights of the city fly by and he can’t will himself to do more than lean his forehead against the cool window and watch, letting out a huff of a sigh when the cab finally pulls up in front of his building. He surrenders one of his twenties to the cabbie and climbs out, working up the courage to face his real life after what he’s just done. 

There is only the flickering light of the tv when he unlocks his apartment door and pushes it open. It’s only been a few hours since he left, but Louis has still managed to make a mess in that time, open beer cans on the coffee table with snack wrappers and crumbs filling the rest of the surface. He doesn’t have the emotional energy to get irritated by it and walks past with not more than a half hearted wave to signal his arrival. 

Louis says something after him, but he can’t even pause to comprehend the words with his skin still crawling. He’s already stripped off his clothes by the time he pulls the shower curtain back, adjusting the water to that fine line of too hot before stepping in. He wishes the water could cleanse his memories the same way it did his skin so he would never have the unfortunate moments of remembering how a dirty strangers lips felt around his nipple. 

After, he wraps himself in a fluffy towel and feels around in the dark room for his favourite oversized sweatpants so he doesn’t wake Madison. He slides them up his legs and ties his fuzzy purple robe around his body before leaning over his baby’s crib to check in with her. He’d left her peacefully sleeping and it eased him a little to see that she was still content, unaware he had even left in the first place. 

“Bad date?” Louis asks when Harry finally emerges and takes a seat next to him on the beat up old sofa. Harry isn’t sure what to say so he wraps his robe around himself tighter, letting himself indulge in the soft feel against his bare chest after what he’d just done to them. 

It wasn’t like he wanted to lie to Louis about why he’d gone out in the first place, he just wasn’t ready for the shame that would come with it. He also knew that Louis would try to talk him out of it and Harry couldn’t do that when things were already so tight. He’d already been written up when he had to call in to work to take Madison to the doctor in the first place. One more strike and he was out of another job. The money wadded up in his dirty jeans on the floor was vital to their survival. It was something that was difficult to explain to his friends when broke for them meant fishing for couch change for pub night and living on ramen the last few days before payday. They didn’t have a living breathing baby human depending on them for everything and that everything had dollar signs attached to it. He was thankful that breastfeeding had never been an issue for them because even looking at formula prices would push him into a full blown meltdown in the aisle of the supermarket. 

“Was Sunny the dealbreaker? Tell me who it is and I swear I’ll go give them a swift kick in the ass.” 

Louis was so loyal, so protective. Harry hated lying to him. 

“It was what it was, not a big deal.” 

He knows Louis could tell he was lying, he would just never guess the truth of it. 

“Sorry. You’ll find someone, I know you will.” 

Louis snuggles up to him, rubbing his face against the arm of his soft robe like a cat. 

“Did you at least get lucky? You jumped in the shower pretty quick there.” 

Harry shook his head. Lucky wasn’t the word he’d use for it. 

“Sorry babe,” Louis says and slides his hand just under the tie and between the folds of Harry’s robe to rest against his bare tummy. It was a soothing touch to chase away any lingering feelings of the other strange man’s presence. He closes eyes for a different reason now, letting himself feel trusted skin against his own. 

He knew warmth of Louis’ hand, the gentle roughness of his calloused fingertips on his belly even when it wasn’t stretched and round. That’s when these little moments had started between them. Louis had an awed fascination with Harry’s changing body during his pregnancy and Harry had all but begged for the attention after going through so much of it on his own. Then Harry actually had begged when his due date was approaching and he wanted the baby  _ out _ before they had to intervene with all the drugs that scared him. 

They’d remained close since and now was no different. He bites his lip to hold back a whimper when Louis’ hand makes gentle strokes up and down his stomach and then up to the sensitive curve of his breast. He needs Louis to erase the feeling still fresh on his nerves.

“You okay?” Louis asks, thumb moving in gentle strokes between his breasts while the rest is cradled by the v his hand creates. 

Harry nods and lets his eyes crack open to see his best friend solid in front of him instead of the ghosts that chased him back. Louis thumb makes a pass over Harry’s nipple and it makes him draw in a quick gasp. It feels good when it’s him. 

Taking it as encouragement, Louis does it again and Harry whimpers. He knows exactly what that does to Harry and Harry knows exactly what it does to him. It was how the idea was born to solicit his breasts for cash to keep them afloat. 

“Please,” Harry whimpers as he pulls the tie to his robe and lets Louis push it open. They may only be roommates, but Louis has been the only person in his life that has been there through everything, helped him through everything. He can’t imagine Louis not being there to give him exactly what he needs. 

“Shh, I’ve got you,” Louis says with gentle kisses along the tattoos on his chest. The first time it had been practical, a clogged milk duct that Harry begged Louis to help relieve the pain. Now they both enjoy it when the mood strikes and Harry needs it more than ever tonight. 

Louis’ lips are gentle at first, nothing like uncomfortable worship of the stranger. His beard doesn’t scratch either, soft as it brushes against his skin. It always is. 

His tongue is like aloe on a sunburn over his nipple, healing what he forced himself to endure. He’s scrubbed so hard that he knows there’s nothing left of him, but he still feels a layer of guilt that Louis doesn’t know what he’s done. He can never know. He’s too ashamed. 

He arches into the feeling as Louis suckles, his fingers fisting his hair to hold him to his chest. It’s so different like this and he’s already hard in his sweats, already in a different dimension. He can forget about everything in this place, turn over every ounce of trust and just exist in the feeling. 

It’s as if Louis can just sense what he needs, that he needs to give up control if only for a few minutes. He takes over Harry’s body with a delicate dominance Harry has never experienced from anyone else. His hand slides into Harry’s sweats and gets a fist around him with just the right pressure, just the right slide. 

He moans when he comes, eyes squeezed so tightly shut that he sees the speckles of white static as it all hits him, an overwhelming and needed release. 

Louis’ mouth keeps his latch, swirling his tongue as he jerks himself off at his side. It’s nothing like waiting for the other man to finish, not even close. 

In the wave of emotion, Harry almost lets out a sob. He covers it with a quick inhale of breath, letting it out slowly. He’s never been more thankful to have Louis around to slap a bandaid over his pain. It feels easier to forgive himself for what he’s done with Louis there to make him feel right again. 

He says to himself that he’ll never do it again, but he knows that’s not true. Shift work is rough, especially as a single parent. He can’t promise himself something that he may not have control over. Madison comes first and he’ll do anything for her. Anything. 

For now, he’s in Louis arms and it’s all that he can ask for. Someday Louis will find his own life and move on, will find bigger and better things in the world. Until then, Harry will keep him, no matter what he’s willing to give. 


End file.
